Why I Want a Wife: SATIRE

Why I Want a Wife- Judy Brady (Syfers)

READ THE FOLLOWING:

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife.
And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh
from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his
ex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I
was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that 1, too, would
like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically
independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent
upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I
am going to school, I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a
wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. And
to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat
properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's
clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant
attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure
that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to
the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when
they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need
special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My
wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean
a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I can
tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care
of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife
who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children,
a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes
clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that
my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what
I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife
who is a good cook.  I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the
necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and
then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will
care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time
from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation
so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a
rest and change of scene.
I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a
wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the
need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course
studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have
written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life.
When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will
take care of the baby-sitting arrangements. When I meet people at school
that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house
clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and
not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I
want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready
for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I
want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel
comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are
passed the hors d'oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the
food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their
coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows
that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes
love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure
that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand
sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who
assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not
want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me
so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies.
And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more
than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate
to people as fully as possible.
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the
wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with
another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will
take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit
working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely
take care of a wife's duties.

My God, who wouldn't want a wife?

Author: Judy Brady (Syfers)

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING ON YOUR BLOG
1. Does this essay have an explicitly stated thesis? If so, what is it? If you believe the thesis is implied, paraphrase it in your own words.


2. Throughout the essay, Brady repeats the words “I want a wife.” What is the effect of this repetition? 

3. Do you think Brady really wants the kind of wife she describes—does this ideal spouse

actually exist? Explain why you think Brady wrote this essay.

4. How does Brady define what it means to be a “wife”? How does she organize the many services a wife provides her husband and family? What do you think of Brady’s characterization of a wife and her responsibilities? How do you think she wants her readers to respond to this characterization? Why?

5. Write a letter to Brady responding to “I Want a Wife.” Let her know what you admire or don’t admire about the essay and the extent to which you consider it effective and/or persuasive.

 

Shrek and Satire

SHREK and Satire

Definition of Satire:

A literary work that ridicules its subject through the use of techniques such as exaggeration, reversal, incongruity, and/or parody in order to make a comment or criticism about it.

How does this clip deviate (depart) fromt eh formula of a typical fairy tale?

Techniques of Satire:

Exaggeration

To enlarge, increase, or represent something beyond normal bounds so that it becomes ridiculous and its faults can be seen. 

Incongruity

To present things that are out of place or are absurd in relation to its surroundings. 

Reversal

To present the opposite of the normal order (e.g., the order of events, hierarchical order). 

Parody

To imitate the techniques and/or style of some person, place, or thing.

James Thurber Satire

The Little Girl and the Wolf

by James Thurber

One afternoon a big wolf waited in a dark forest for a little girl to come along carrying a basket of food to her grandmother. Finally a little girl did come along and she was carrying a basket of food. "Are you carrying that basket to your grandmother?" asked the wolf. The little girl said yes, she was. So the wolf asked her where her grandmother lived and the little girl told him and he disappeared into the wood.

When the little girl opened the door of her grandmother's house she saw that there was somebody in bed with a nightcap and nightgown on. She had approached no nearer than twenty-five feet from the bed when she saw that it was not her grandmother but the wolf, for even in a nightcap a wolf does not look any more like your grandmother than the Metro-Goldwyn lion looks like Calvin Coolidge. So the little girl took an automatic out of her basket and shot the wolf dead.

(Moral: It is not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be.)

The Unicorn in the Garden

Once upon a sunny morning a man who sat in a breakfast nook looked up from his scrambled eggs to see a white unicorn with a golden horn quietly cropping the roses in the garden. The man went up to the bedroom where his wife was still asleep and woke her. "There's a unicorn in the garden," he said. "Eating roses." She opened one unfriendly eye and looked at him. "The unicorn is a mythical beast," she said, and turned her back on him. The man walked slowly downstairs and out into the garden. The unicorn was still there; he was now browsing among the tulips. "Here, unicorn," said the man and pulled up a lily and gave it to him. The unicorn ate it gravely. With a high heart, because there was a unicorn in his garden, the man went upstairs and roused his wife again. "The unicorn," he said, "ate a lily." His wife sat up in bed and looked at him, coldly. "You are a booby," she said, "and I am going to have you put in a booby-hatch." The man, who never liked the words "booby" and "booby-hatch," and who liked them even less on a shining morning when there was a unicorn in the garden, thought for a moment. "We'll see about that," he said. He walked over to the door. "He has a golden horn in the middle of his forehead," he told her. Then he went back to the garden to watch the unicorn; but the unicorn had gone away. The man sat among the roses and went to sleep.
And as soon as the husband had gone out of the house, the wife got up and dressed as fast as she could. She was very excited and there was a gloat in her eye. She telephoned the police and she telephoned the psychiatrist; she told them to hurry to her house and bring a strait-jacket. When the police and the psychiatrist looked at her with great interest. "My husband," she said, "saw a unicorn this morning." The police looked at the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist looked at the police. "He told me it ate a lily," she said. The psychiatrist looked at the police and the police looked at the psychiatrist. "He told me it had a golden horn in the middle of its forehead," she said. At a solemn signal from the signal from the psychiatrist, the police leaped from their chairs and seized the wife. They had a hard time subduing her, for she put up a terrific struggle, but they finally subdued her. Just as they got her into the strait-jacket, the husband came back into the house.
"Did you tell your wife you saw a unicorn?" asked the police. "Of course not," said the husband. "The unicorn is a mythical beast." "That's all I wanted to know," said the psychiatrist. "Take her away. I'm sorry, sir, but your wife is as crazy as a jay bird." So they took her away, cursing and screaming, and shut her up in an institution. The husband lived happily ever after.
Moral: Don't count your boobies until they are hatched.

The Bear

In the woods of the Far West there once lived a brown bear who could take it or let it alone. He would go into a bar where they sold mead, a fermented drink made of honey, and he would have just two drinks. Then he would put some money on the bar and say, "See what the bears in the back room will have," and he would go home. But finally he took to drinking by himself most of the day.

He would reel home at night, kick over the umbrella stand, knock down the bridge lamps, and ram his elbows through the windows. Then he would collapse on the floor and lie there until he went to sleep. His wife was greatly distressed and his children were very frightened.

At length the bear saw the error of his ways and began to reform. In the end he became a famous teetotaler and a persistent temperance lecturer. He would tell everybody that came to his house about the awful effects of drink, and he would boast about how strong and well he had become since he gave up touching the stuff. To demonstrate this, he would stand on his head and on his hands and he would turn cartwheels in the house, kicking over the umbrella stand, knocking down the bridge lamps, and ramming his elbows through the windows.

Then he would lie down on the floor, tired by his healthful exercise, and go to sleep. His wife was greatly distressed and his children were very frightened.

Moral: You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.

The Birds and the Foxes

by James Thurber

Once upon a time there was a bird sanctuary in which hundreds of Baltimore orioles lived together happily. The refuge consisted of a forest entirely surrounded by a high wire fence. When it was put up, a pack of foxes who lived nearby protested that it was an arbitrary and unnatural boundary. However, they did nothing about it at the time because they were interested in civilizing the geese and ducks on the neighboring farms. When all the geese and ducks had been civilized, and there was nothing left to eat, the foxes once more turned their attention to the bird sanctuary. Their leader announced that there had once been foxes in the sanctuary but that they had been driven out. He proclaimed that Baltimore orioles belonged in Baltimore. He said, furthermore, that the orioles in the sanctuary were a continuous menace to the peace in the world. The other animals cautioned the foxes not to disturb the birds in their sanctuary.
So the foxes attacked the sanctuary one night and tore down the fence that surrounded it. The orioles rushed out and were instantly killed and eaten by the foxes.
The next day the leader of the foxes, a fox from whom God was receiving daily guidance, got upon the rostrum and addressed the other foxes. His message was simple and sublime. "You see before you," he said, "another Lincoln. We have liberated all those birds!"
Moral: Government of the orioles, by the foxes, and for the foxes, must perish from the earth.

James Thurber "The Fox and the Crow"

The Fox and the CrowJames Thurber
A crow, perched in a tree with a piece of cheese in his beak, attracted the eye and nose of a fox. “If you can sing as prettily as you sit,” said the fox, “then you are the prettiest singer within my scent and sight.” The fox had read somewhere, and somewhere, and somewhere else, that praising the voice of a crow with cheese in his beak would make him drop the cheese and sing. But this did not happen to this crow in this particular case.
“They say you are sly and they say you are crazy,” said the crow, having carefully removed the cheese from his beak with the claws on one foot, “but you must be nearsighted as well. Warblers wear gray hats and colored jackets and bright vests, and they are a dollar a hundred. I wear black and I am unique,” He began nibbling the cheese, dropping not a single crumb.
“I am sure you are,” said the fox, who was neither crazy nor nearsighted, but sly. “I recognize you now that I look more closely, as the most famed and talented of all birds, and while I would be pleased to hear you tell about yourself, I am hungry and must go.”
“Tarry awhile,” said the crow quickly, “and share my lunch with me.” Where-upon he tossed the cunning fox the lion’s share of the cheese, and then began to tell about himself. “A ship that sails without a crow’s nest sails to doom,” he said. “Bars may come and bars may go, but crowbars last forever. I am the pioneer of flight; I am the map maker. Last but never least, my flight is known to scientists and engineers, geometrists and scholars, as the shortest distance between two points. Any two points,” he concluded arrogantly.
“Oh, every two points, I am sure,” said the fox. “And thank you for the lion’s share of what I know you could not spare.” And with this he trotted away into the woods, his appetite appeased, leaving the hungry crow perched forlornly in the tree.

MORAL: ‘Twas true in Aesop’s time, and LaFontaine’s, and now — no one else can praise thee quite so well as thou.”

 After reading these, choose your two favorite stories from these.  Why were they your favorites? What suprised you in them? what was Thurber making fun of? Did he use another fable or fairytale as his basis?

"The Princess And The Tin Box; A Fable For Our Time"James Thurber

Once upon a time, in a far country, there lived a king whose daughter was the prettiest princess in the world. Her eyes were like the cornflower, her hair was sweeter than the hyacinth, and her throat made the swan look dusty.

From the time she was a year old, the princess had been showered with presents. Her nursery looked like Cartier's window. Her toys were all made of gold or platinum or diamonds or emeralds. She was not permitted to have wooden blocks or china dolls or rubber dogs or linen books, because such materials were considered cheap for the daughter of a king.

When she was seven, she was allowed to attend the wedding of her brother and throw real pearls at the bride instead of rice. Only the nightingale, with his lyre of gold, was permitted to sing for the princess. The common blackbird, with his boxwood flute, was kept out of the palace grounds. She walked in silver-and-samite slippers to a sapphire-and-topaz bathroom and slept in an ivory bed inlaid with rubies.

On the day the princess was eighteen, the king sent a royal ambassador to the courts of five neighboring kingdoms to announce that he would give his daughter's hand in marriage to the prince who brought her the gift she liked the most.

The first prince to arrive at the palace rode a swift white stallion and laid at the feet of the princess an enormous apple made of solid gold which he had taken from a dragon who had guarded it for a thousand years. It was placed on a long ebony table set up to hold the gifts of the princess's suitors. The second prince, who came on a gray charger, brought her a nightingale made of a thousand diamonds, and it was placed beside the golden apple. The third prince, riding on a black horse, carried a great jewel box made of platinum and sapphires, and it was placed next to the diamond nightingale. The fourth prince, astride a fiery yellow horse, gave the princess a gigantic heart made of rubies and pierced by an emerald arrow. It was placed next to the platinum-and-sapphire jewel box.

Now the fifth prince was the strongest and handsomest of all the five suitors, but he was the son of a poor king whole realm had been overrun by mice and locusts and wizards and mining engineers so that there was nothing much of value left in it. He came plodding up to the palace of the princess on a plow horse and he brought her a small tin box filled with mica and feldspar and hornblende which he had picked up on the way.

The other princes roared with disdainful laughter when they saw the tawdry gift the fifth prince had brought to the princess. But she examined it with great interest and squealed with delight, for all her life she had never seen tin before or mica or feldspar or hornblende. The tin box was placed next to the ruby heart pierced with an emerald arrow. "Now," the king said to his daughter, "you must select the gift you like best and marry the prince that brought it."

The princess smiled and walked up to the table and picked up the present she liked the most. It was the platinum-and-sapphire jewel box, the gift of the third prince. "The way I figure it," she said, "is this. It is a very large and expensive box, and when I am married, I will meet many admirers who will give me precious gems with which to fill it to the top. Therefore, it is the most valuable of all the gifts my suitors have brought me and I like it the best."

The princess married the third prince that very day in the midst of great merriment and high revelry. More than a hundred thousand pearls were thrown at her, and she loved it.

Moral: All those who thought the princess was going to select the tin box filled with worthless stones instead of one of the other gifts will kindly stay after class and write one hundred times on the blackboard "I would rather have a hunk of aluminum silicate than a diamond necklace."

After reading these, choose 3 that you most enjoyed.  Tell me why you liked them.  Were they similar to other stories you've heard? Did Thurber suprise you in any way? How does he use satire (mocking or making fun of something else) in the story?

Fairytales and Fables

Some of you need familiarized with some fables and fairytales, so before you write your own, we'll spend some time exploring these genres.  Go to the site listed below:
http://www.aesops-fables.org.uk/
Read 10 of these stories (they are only a paragraph a piece, so you can do it!).  On your blog, write a one sentences summary of the fable plus the moral of the fable.
Then go to this sight, scroll to the Grimm's fairy tale sections and read 2 of the tales:
http://ivyjoy.com/fables/
Post a short summary (3-6 sentences) on your blog. 
If you finish early, read a few more to familiarize yourself!

Happy Valentine's Day!

For the day's sake, we will take a reprive from standard writing a do some POETRY today in the form of a sonnet, named by many as THE supreme form of romantic writing.  Of course, today is not all about romance, but it's about caring for and loving all individuals in our lives, whether the be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family. You will have the chance to try your hand at that great form of writing, aka the Shakespearean Sonnet! First,w hat does it look like? Read the poem below:


EXAMPLE:

Shakespeare Sonnet 18
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
   Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
   And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
   And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
   By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
   Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
   When in eternal lines to time thou growest;
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
   So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

And one that's a bit more ironical (my lady is great but I'm not going to lie and say she outshines everyone else in beauty, but hey, that doesn't mean I can't love her all the same!):

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun; 
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; 
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. 
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white, 
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight 
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
 That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go; 
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare 
As any she belied with false compare.

What You Do:

1.  If you look carefully at the sonnet above, you should see that the sonnet follows the following rhyme scheme: a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g
2. Also,t here are 10 syllables in each line (10). The meter, or rhythmic structure, follows a short-long rhythm (i.e. "Da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM"). The particular meter is called "iambic pentameter." It is the most common meter in English poetry.
3. Now it's time to get writing! Using the knowledge about the sonnet that you’ve gained, you should try and put together a 14-line poem that fits the rhyme scheme and meter of Shakespeare's sonnet. This won't be easy, but it doesn't have to be a chore, either. It might help to make this a silly exercise instead of a full-blown love poem.
4. When you are finished, read over the poem together to make sure that the rhyme scheme and meter have been adhered to. If you want, you can copy her poem into a Valentine's card and give it to someone special!

Editing the narrative

•In your own words, state the theme of the writing

•Does the author have sufficient detail? IF not, where does it need to be added/ Be specific and GIVE SUGGESTIONS!

•Where can dialogue be added?

•What extended metaphors and similes can you add?

•What aspects of the writing are done well and why? What most needs improved?

 

AVOID THESE

1. "There" followed by a boring verb

2. "You" being used

3. "Would" and forms of the past tense

4. "ALOT" "Things" or "stuff"

5. Sentences taht begin with "it" "this/these" "but" "and" "for"

6. Trite, overused expressions

7. Boring, unneccesary writing

8. Unoriginal ideas

9. Slang or swear words

10. run ons, fragments

 

Good luck!

It's A Boy: GO FOR ACTIVE BEGINNINGS!

It’s a Boy!

“Congratulations, you have a new baby boy!” my child-development teacher said as she handed over the 10-pound bundle.

Last year in my high school child-development class, each student had to take the “Think-It-Over” baby home for a night to get a taste of parenthood. Even before I received the baby, I knew I was not ready to be a parent as a senior in high school. I could still remember when my brother and sister were little and I would have to take care of them all the time. At least the doll had no dirty diapers I would have to change.

It was a Friday night when my turn came to take the 10-pound plastic doll home. The doll really did look like a live baby from a distance. It even had a pleasant baby powder smell. After I took the baby home in his car seat, I changed him into some really cute clothes because my friends and I were going out that night. I then decided to name him Tyler.

Inside the body of this doll was a computer that was programmed to make periodic crying sounds. I was the only person who could stop the crying because I had the key. This key, tied to my wrist, could be inserted in the doll’s back to stop the crying. So far, so good. The doll had not cried, yet.

My friends came over, and we all piled into the car. It was kind of squished because we had the baby’s seat in there, too. I had to treat the doll like a real baby because the computer inside also measured any abuse to the doll, such as shaking or neglect. The hour-long drive to the restaurant was uneventful. It was rather chilly, so I decided to wrap Tyler in a blanket and carry him in that way. I also had a diaper bag with diapers, a bottle, and an extra set of clothes hanging on my arm.

Because it was Friday night, there were a lot of people waiting in line to get a table. When I walked into that crowded entryway, I got some very weird looks and quite a few raised eyebrows. My friends also noticed the glares and stares, so we decided to make a game out of the whole situation. I stood in the corner pretending to rock Tyler to sleep. Every once in a while my friends would peek in the blanket and say, “Oh, how cute.” I could not help but laugh. And although it was funny to my friends and me, some of the people did not think it was so funny that I had a baby. I overheard one couple say, “Why would she bring a baby here?” These people were giving me rude looks and forming judgments about me because they thought I was a teenage mom. Others just smiled at me sympathetically and felt sorry for me because I was only a child with a child.

We finally got a table, and the waiter, not knowing I was carrying a doll, asked me if I needed a high chair. I told him it was just a doll, but a high chair would be good. He thought it was funny that I actually dared to bring a doll into the restaurant, so he brought a high chair, plus a red balloon for the little one.

Again, during our meal, my friends and I received strange looks from the others in the restaurant. One couple kept walking by our table just to get a look at my baby. I think they were trying to figure out if the doll was an actual baby. As the couple walked by, my friends and I started discussing how people so quickly judged me and assumed that I was the mother of the baby. We decided that we would probably do the same if we saw a teenage girl coming in with a child and a group of friends. Teenage pregnancy is not accepted where I live and is definitely not the norm; many girls would hide their pregnancies if they decided to keep their babies.

We went to the mall after we were finished eating, and I had to take Tyler with me. My friends were looking at clothes, but I couldn’t because I was carrying this “baby” (which was becoming quite heavy). So I just roamed around wishing I could try on clothes, too. Then the baby started to cry this horrible imitation baby’s cry. It was so loud and terrible. I quickly put the key into the doll’s back so it would quit crying, and then I had to explain to the salesclerk why I was carrying around a plastic doll. I was so glad to finally go home.

I learned a lot through my experience with the “Think-It-Over” baby. The doll definitely reinforced my thinking that I was not ready to be a parent, but it also made me more aware of the larger picture. It opened my eyes to the judgments people make about others. People do not realize that some things are not the way they seem. The doll seemed like it was my baby, but that was not the case. I was only carrying it around for a class project. The people in the restaurant were so quick to judge me because they assumed I was a teenage mom. They undoubtedly thought I was stupid for taking a baby to a noisy, smoky place; they didn’t realize it was just a plastic doll underneath that blanket.

I sometimes catch myself judging people I do not know, just because of the first impression they give. In reality, I do not have a clue about their real stories. I especially think people judge teenage girls with babies too quickly. Sure, they may have made a mistake, but the girls usually know that, and they are the ones who have to pay the price. I only experienced the glares and rude comments for one night, but I thought of all the girls who have to deal with these looks wherever they go. We should all be slower to judge these girls, or anyone else, and realize that some things are not as they seem.

FOR YOUR BLOG:
This is a great story with some really excellent moments.  However, all writing can ALWAYS be imporved.  After reading this, choose three separate sentneces or pairs of sentences to REWRITE in a more active way. Copy and paste  narrativethe old version onto your blog, then rewrite the NEW version.  Stretch yourselves to come up with exciting lines!